A wee travelogue ah wrote a aboot mah trip tae Amsterdam, ah hope it gies yiz a wee flavour. Ah interspersed it wi photies. :)

Friday 30th September 2011

Woke up early to the sound of blasted pigeons on our balcony. Got out of bed, still tired, had a cup of coffee and a cigarette. I didn't need to be at the airport for another four hours. Busied myself tidying up and dressing. Drove to Heathrow to meet my long time bestest pal from Australia, Sue Hunter. She had come over to comfort me after the death of my beloved husband John. I hadn't seen Sue for around sixteen years and was looking forward to seeing her and spending some time with her. The plane was on time. We picked up Sue and headed back to London through the mid morning traffic. London looked resplendent in the hot sun, unusual for October. We had been experiencing an Indian Summer for the past week, and today the sun was glinting on the windows of the buildings like the jewels in a royal crown, giving us a good feeling as the sun always does.

Our plan was that Sue should sleep after her long journey with the aim of off-setting her jet lag. She had been delayed at Melbourne and had an long wait in Singapore for her standby flight. We would cook at home tonight and she would get adjusted to our time zone and be refreshed in the morning.

Saturday 1st October 2011
Saturday morning, we both dressed and showered, and after breakfast we jumped in a taxi and headed for Portobello Road Market, where we were meeting Sue's brother Andrew and his wife Judy.

We arrived on time and joined them for a coffee in one of the trendy coffee shops which litter the Notting Hill Gate area of London. Andrew and Judy were on a trip through Europe and had limited time. We had a pleasant chat for around an hour, and all too soon we were parting company, they were going to St Paul's Cathedral. Sue and I took a stroll through the Market.

Portobello Road Market had been a haunt of mine when I first came to London, John and I went there frequently, it had a buzz about it and on this beautiful sunny October day, the market was busy with tourists snapping photos and milling around stopping in their tracks to watch the antics of some of the stall holders trying to sell their wares. Portobello Road had been one of the hubs for hippies in the sixties and early seventies. The place was buzzing in the morning sunshine and we spent a pleasant couple of hours browsing the market stalls with their cornucopia of items for sale.

Bought some Peacock Feathers for my granddaughter Tamsyn, sue tried to get something for her husband Michael with the Hunter tartan in one of the several Scottish shops, but to no avail. We had lunch in one of the many gourmet pubs dotted up and down the market. Changed days from when John and I shared brown rice and chicken from a market stall as that was all we could afford in those days. Another stroll through the rest of the market and a taxi back to Fulham, a quiet night in and early bed.

Sunday 2nd October 2011
Sunday was bright and sunny again, out of bed, breakfast, shower and into the car heading for Mortlake Cemetery to visit John so that Sue could pay her last respects. The cemetery was quiet and peaceful in the beautiful morning sun, shafts of sunlight piercing through the trees and a gentle breeze rustling the branches of the arboreum of trees which were in abundance, their russet and brown coloured leaves falling gently to the ground and rustling underfoot. The heather I had planted the previous week was looking strong and beautiful. We sat on the nearby bench in quiet, tearful reflection and thought of John. We left John in the sunshine and headed back to the car and the hurly burly of the London traffic, even on a Sunday, it never stops, always busy. We headed towards Knightsbridge as Sue wanted to go to Harrods and Harvey Nicks. Amazingly we got a parking space just behind Harrods.

We only wanted to visit the food hall and then lunch. Harrods food hall is a must to see when visiting London. As well as the amazing decor, all sorts of food is there and beautifully displayed. They boast you can buy anything in Harrods, so I put it to the test and asked if they sold squerr sausages, they didn't, and even if they did they wouldn't have been as good as Merlot's. Sue bought a gift box of fine teas for her Mother and some Harrods chocolates, I bought some chocolate for my granddaughter. After a couple of hours browsing around Harrods we went outside into the bright sunshine and had the most beautiful, but expensive, lunch in an Italian restaurant across from Harrods. After lunch we were a bit tired and decided to give Harvey Nicks a miss and just go home for a nap before going out for dinner that evening to the Blue Elephant.

A famous Thai restaurant on Fulham Broadway. I hadn't eaten much Thai food before, so ordered their banquet, which is a little taster of several Thai dishes. The decor in the restaurant is an experience in itself, like walking into a forest with little wooden bridges taking you to the different sections of the restaurant, the service was impeccable and the food was beautifully presented and tasted wonderful, together with the good company of my happy, bubbly friend Sue, a perfect evening. Home to bed early as we were off to Amsterdam in the morning.

Monday 3rd October 2011
Awoke refreshed after a good night's sleep. After breakfast we telephoned a taxi to take us to St Pancras Station where we were catching the Eurostar, through the channel tunnel to Brussels and then on a Thalys train to Amsterdam.

Sue in St Pancras waiting for the Eurostar

We looked like a pair of backpackers with our laptop rucksacks on our backs and our suitcases. Sue had booked us 1st class which meant we had free internet and were served lunch on the train. Sue said to me "do you think we are in the tunnel yet?" and just as she said it the tannoy announced that we would be arriving in Calais in the next few minutes, it was a very quick journey through the tunnel to France.

We arrived in Bruxelles and were immediately lost, there seemed to be no station staff, and no one we spoke to could speak English. However, needless to say we eventually found our connecting train and resumed our journey to Amsterdam, arriving around 3:00pm European Standard Time.

Sue outside Brussels Station

Sue's cousin-in-law Allan was there to meet us. Allan has lived in Amsterdam for 23 years and speaks Dutch fluently. He lives with his partner in central Amsterdam. He took us to our hotel as we were tired and just wanted flop out before going out later for dinner.

We arranged that Allan would pick us up from the hotel on Wednesday as he had the day off, and would spend the day and evening with us. The hotel was a little way out from central Amsterdam "The Blue Cube", a Best Western Hotel, our room was enormous and the hotel was beautiful, which was a surprise after seeing it's inauspicious exterior.

Our Hotel Room

It just looked like a big blue cube, hence the name I guess. After unpacking we thought we might have dinner in the hotel, but after looking at their dull menu, we decided to go for a stroll around the area and found a nice Italian restaurant where I had rib-eye steak and Sue had Shoarma, later we were to see, and laugh about that word many times. Not too much to see near the hotel, typical city surburban area. We were almost run over a million times by cyclists.

Bicycles at the side of the road near the hotel with a bus in the background

Amsterdam's roads are split, cyclists have their own road separate from the cars and trams, and with the traffic going the wrong way, we took a little time to get used to it, hence our encounters with cyclists, we kept thinking we were on the pavement, but we weren't. After dinner, back to the hotel, where I sat on a wall overlooking a stream and had a cigarette before going back to our room.

View from my wee cigarette wall

Laptops out, GlescaPals and Facebook then a fitful sleep, I never sleep too well when away from home.

Tuesday 4th October 2011
Woke up still tired, got out of bed made a coffee and went down to the wall overlooking the stream for a cigarette, taking my coffee with me. Sue showered and when I got back I showered and we went down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. Buffet style breakfast with the usual continental fare. Cold meats, cheeses, fruit, cereals. However, unusually there was bacon, scrambled or boiled eggs, tomatoes and mushrooms. Needless to say I had bacon, egg, mushroom & tomato, Sue had fruit and boiled egg on toast. Chatted about what we would be doing that day.

We bought a public transport ticket 7 euros for 24 hours on any tram, metro or bus, good value I thought. We caught a bus into the central area. The public transport system in Amsterdam is clean and the buses and trams are frequent and not too crowded, a million miles from the dirty, crowded buses and trains in London. Alighted the bus near Central Station and strolled around getting our bearings. Sue had booked us on a canal tour of the city, so we made our way to the canal side and caught one of the many canal tour boats for our first glimpse of Amsterdam's history and architecture.

Amsterdam is an old city and is best seen from the many canals which meander through the city.

The architecture is plain, with tall narrow buildings with Flemish detail. All of the buildings have a long flag pole protruding from them, but it's not for a flag, it is to get large furniture into the apartments, as the stairs are too narrow to allow large furniture. As we sailed along we saw a demonstration of this as some Dutch people were hoisting a bed up to the top flat. The look of the city is olde worlde and very pleasing.

We passed the tall ship "The Amsterdam" berthed in the enormous harbour.

The guide pointed out the many side canals with their frequent bridges, a beautiful sight looking down through the canal with the bridges forming a perfect perspective, and the sun glittering on the water and the small craft busily too-ing and fro-ing up and down the narrow waterway.

We chatted with a nice German couple, who spoke perfect English. We got off the boat and by this time we were ready for lunch.

We strolled aimlessly and found ourselves in the hippy, cannabis area and went into a Tapas Bar for lunch.

Nice lunch and served by a Spanish waitress who also spoke perfect English. After lunch we strolled around browsing the "head shops" and "Coffee shops", their main produce is not coffee or heads. Enjoyed this area, lots of rock and hippy memorabilia.

Caught the bus back to the hotel and just flopped out, watching TV and on lap top to GlescaPals.

Decided to go out again for dinner, this time we went to a Turkish Restaurant, where I had steak (again) and Sue, didn't have Shoarma. Nice dinner and back to my wee wall by the stream for a cigarette and then to bed, looking forward to meeting Allan and spending the day with him. Slept a bit better.

Wednesday 5th October 2011

Got up around 8:30, feeling refreshed, coffee, fag, shower and breakfast. Allan was picking us up from the hotel at 11:30. He arrived a little early and we set off in the car. Allan said he would like to take us out of the city to a quaint little village called Broek in Watterland just outside Amsterdam. What a beautiful place, we would never have seen if not for Allan and I thank him for that. It was the highlight of my whole trip. Some of the buildings dated back to the 13th century, but most dated from around the 17th and 18th century.

It is difficult to do it justice with words. The houses are small and the few streets there, are narrow, with room for only one car. All of the houses are, by law, painted in one of three colours, A sort of moss Brown, cream and a light sage green.

There are bridges everywhere, crossing the obligatory canals, and in the centre there is a large lake surrounded by typically dutch houses painted in the three colours, with little boats moored in front of the houses, very picturesque. We spent several hours there and Sue and I bought some postcards and stamps, needless to say, Sue wrote hers and posted them, mine are still in my handbag, written and stamped but not posted, typical of me.

Back to the car and Amsterdam. Allan took us to lunch in a Home Baker Shop, where I had the biggest sandwich I have ever seen. With home made meatloaf, and masses of salad. Sue had the best salad she had ever tasted with dutch cheeses and fresh beetroot, and a dark brown bread, perhaps pumpernickel.

After lunch we caught the bus back to our hotel and arranged to meet Allan and his partner Jan, at Dam Square for dinner. Because I had never eaten Indonesian food, they all decided that I must. Allan and Jan took us to their favourite Indonesian restaurant and we all had Rijstafel, again a feast of different tastes, I loved it all, especially the coconut curry. After dinner Jan had to go home, up early in the morning, and Allan took us for a stroll through the red light district, my gosh!!!!! Nuff said :o :o :o

We then caught a taxi back to the hotel and straight to bed.

Thursday 6th October 2011
Had a bit of a lie in, we were supposed to be going on the cannabis tour, but since we had found it all ourselves we cancelled the tour. Caught the bus to Dam Square and walked around the back of the church to the canal-side house of Anne Frank, a typical Amsterdam house unremarkable except for it's famous resident.

It was too many stairs for me so we took some pictures outside and had a stroll around the area.

We then caught a taxi to the Amsterdam Hard Rock Cafe for lunch, and took some photos of it's famous patrons and their rock memorabilia. Typical American Style food, and Sue said that the food in the Hard Rock Cafe is the same the world over, like McDonalds, only dearer.

Enjoyed sitting there watching the tourists and reminiscing about the bands and singers of my youth.

Got a bus back to the central area after lunch and bought some T Shirts and Clogs for my grandchildren and some Dutch chocolate for my daughters. Thought about buying cheese but thought it would be off by the time we got home.

We were supposed to catch a tour bus around Amsterdam but we decided not to do it as our feet were getting sore and we wanted to have a shower before dinner.

We caught a bus back to the hotel and showered and changed. We went out and walked around the area a bit and went into an Egyptian Restaurant call Toetanchamon

Me in Toetanchamon

Guess what? They had the ubiquitous Shoarma on the menu, but we both had steak (again).

Sue in Toetanchamon

The steak was lovely and we

chatted for a while and sauntered back to my wall, where I had a cigarette. Slept well dreaming of Little dutch boys, tulips, Anne Frank and windmills.

Friday 7th October 2011

Our last day in Amsterdam. Allan was picking us up at 11:30am for our train at 12:30 to Brussels and then onward on the Eurostar to St Pancras, where my son-in-law Doug was waiting to meet us.

I loved Amsterdam and will go there again, and thank my good friend Sue for taking me there.

Awa' an Faqya

The night was wild and stormy, and the people on the coast of Nova Scotia were battening down the hatches. However, this has no bearing on my story. The story I am about to tell took place on the West Coast of Scotland. Well not exactly the coast, but a little further inland in a little town call Kilmabruchnabrachanman, pronounced Killman. Well not exactly Kilmabruchnabrachanman, but in the Laird’s manor just outside Kilmabruchnabrachanman. Kilmabruchnabrachanman House, prounounced Killman House.

Killman House had been built in the reign of Robert the Bruise. Who had been named for a birthmark on his nose, due to his mother having been hit on the face with a skillet, when pregnant, by her husband and the Bruise’s father, Robert the Brusque. Who was well known for his short temper and instant repartee.

The House had been gifted to the 1st Laird Faqyaharson, pronounced Faqya and was inherited by the present Laird Faqya. The Faqya’s had fallen on hard times and the Laird had betrothed his only Son Alfric, prounounced Awa’an, to Lord Ullin’s daughter, Netty the Nippy. Who was well known for her sharp wit and even sharper tongue. Netty the Nippy’s dowry would ensure the future of the Faqya’s and Kilman House inperpetuity. Young Awa’an wasn’t happy with this arrangement and had told his father in no uncertain terms. “Ah wulny merry that wee shrew Faither, ahm in love wi a lassie ah saw doon at the burn steeping hur feet in the cauld watter.”

At this news his Father, with a face that resembled a bag of spanners, in his fury, told his son, “ye wull be disinherited and we wull aw hifty go tae the puirhoose if ye dinna merry Netty the Nippy.”

“Ah don’t kerr, ahll disown ye as a faither. Ah widny merry Netta the Nippy if ye piyed me, and ah certainly wulny merry her jist coz her faither is piyin you. Ahll leave this place the day and make mah ain wiy in the world and come back when ahv made mah fortune. Then ahll merry the lassie at the burn.” With a flourish Awa’an Faqya flung himself out of the house and onto his horse and rode away into the night. Well not exactly the night but the late afternoon.

“Awa’an Faqya, come back” shouted his father.
But Awa’an couldn’t hear him. In his blind rage he hadn’t noticed the low branch and was now unconscious on the forest floor. Bleeding profusely from a gash on his brow.

The furious father returned to the house and sank into a chair. He put his head in his hands and thought. “Ah ken something that naebody else kens, ah ken that Netty the Nippy’s maternal grandfaither, Hector the Headstrong his died trying tae find the source of the Clyde. Aw his lands and wealth wull noo pass tae Netta the Nippy.”

Meanwhile Awa’an had stirred to see in front of him a face. Two eyes, a nose and a mouth and chin. Yes it was definitely a face. But it wasn’t just any face. Can you reader, guess who’s face it was? Yes, it was none other than the lassie who had been steeping her feet in the burn.

Ina the Indolent, had been born in the village. The daughter of the Pig Swiller and a mysterious French woman who had happened upon the village and had fallen in love with Ina’s father. She had left soon after Ina was born, swearing to come back for her baby when she had made her fortune. Ina herself was a handsome, if not pretty woman. She was extremely tall, which made her walk with a bowed gait. She had flaming red hair reaching to her waist. Her face was round, with cheeks to match her hair. She was dressed in a plaid dress, plaid shawl and plaid stockings. On her head she wore a hat resembling an upside down oil lamp, and which protruded at a 90 degree angle from the back of her head. She cradled Awa’an’s head in her ample hands and mopped his bleeding brow with a spit on the edge of her plaid shawl. “Whit happened tae you laddie, that is a bliddy great bliddy cut ye hiv oan yir heid, ahm thunkin we wull hifty send fur the doachter.”

Awa’an suddenly sat bolt upright, so upright that he was positively straight. Ina helped him to his feet. The rain was falling softly and quietly, and it brought a moisture and dampness. One could feel a definite sense of wetness on the forest floor. “Come alang wi me” the girl said in a voice that sounded like the skirl of the bagpipes. She had fallen in love at first sight with the Laird’s son, as he had her at the burn. As they neared her cottage, well it wasn’t exactly a cottage more a dilapidated hovel, they heard a voice calling. “Ina is that you hen, did ye manage tae catch any fush?” The voice belonged to Ina’s father the pig swiller, who was at the front of the house swilling pigs. Ina replied, “Aye faither ahv caught a knickerful of kippers.” With that she reached under her skirts and produced six big fish and an old boot. Ina had caught many old boots at the burn, but was still hoping to find a pair.

“Is that no the Laird’s boay Awa’an wi ye?” he said
“Aye faither, he his hid a bit of a faw and cut his heid wide open. Ah think we might need tae go fur the doachter.”
“Let me hiv a look at it” said the father. “Naw it disny need the doacter, ahv goat a couple of leeches and a poultice in the hoose. That wull see him right.”

After the treatment with the leeches and with a poultice affixed firmly to his cut head, Awa’an was feeling pale, he felt so pale as to be feeling almost white. Ina led him through to the bedroom where he lay down. “Ahll call ye when the fush is ready.”

Whilst Awa’an was sleeping, fitfully dreaming about Ina and her feet in the cauld, cauld burn. There came a sound of a carriage drawing near to the hovel. The pig swiller turned his gaze down the track and saw coming towards them a black carriage, so black in it’s blackness that it was positively black. It was drawn by two black horses with golden plumage. The coach stopped outside the door of the house, and a woman emerged with a face as long as one of the horses. She had the air of a foreigner, and was dressed strangely in foreign garb. As she alighted, there was a flicker of recognition in the pig swiller’s face. “Is that you Veronique?” Yes reader it was none other than Ina the Indolent’s mother returned to the fold. Ina ran out and threw herself upon her mother’s neck, knocking her to the ground at her father’s feet in the pig swillery. Once composed they all began crying, and between the tears, her mother told her that she had found an ancient document which proved that she was heir to the Ullin lands and properties, which meant she owned not only the substantial manor house, but also their own hovel. She told them that that Hector the Headstrong was an imposter who had died, not searching for the source of the Clyde. But had expired while partaking of some company in a bordello in the far reaches of Glasgow. Auchenshuggle to be exact. Ina woke Awa’an and after telling him the news they fell into each other’s arms declaring eternal love.

Awa’an returned to his father’s house, declaring, “Ahv made mah fortune faither, nae need fur me tae merry Netta the Nippy”
“That wiz quick" said his father "yiv only been awa an hour and a hauf.”

Yes reader it was a happy group who rode in the black carriage and ousted Lord Ullin and his daughter Netta the Nippy from the manor. The were given the keys to the hovel. Ina and Awa’an married and often rode past the hovel to laugh at Netta & her father and throw them some scraps and then set the dogs and peruse the ensuing spectacle.

Holly's Smile

Thomas woke up earlier than normal, he put his feet out of bed and into the slippers carefully placed the night before. Thomas was a lifelong bachelor and fastidious in his habits and placing his slippers just so, was just one of his many habits, including his need for the toothbrush glass to be 3 inches back on the bathroom shelf. Everything in Thomas’s life was set, he was a creature of habit. His small flat, was like a new pin. Thomas had a routine for cleaning, and kept to it rigidly. He had a rota for the chores. Monday was washing day, Tuesday shopping and cleaning the bathroom, Wednesday, cleaning the living room and inspecting electrical goods for faults, Thursday the bedroom was cleaned, Friday the kitchen and more shopping. Saturday he cleaned everywhere he hadn’t cleaned in the week, and then he would walk to the library and exchange his books, and Sunday was for pottering around and making sure everything in his life was as it should be.

It was Saturday and it was Christmas. Thomas hated Christmas, everyone rushing around, shops packed with Christmas shoppers, noisy, fractuous little brats with their silly Mothers trying to placate them. Incessant Christmas music coming from the tannoy in the shopping arcade. Yes Thomas hated Christmas with a vengeance.
Well it wasn’t exactly Christmas, it was Christmas Eve, and he had more reason to hate it this year. The library had a notice pinned to the door when he had visited the previous Friday, that it would be closed on Christmas Eve. This news was met with disgust by Thomas and now as he got out of bed he was still seething that he could not go to the library as usual on a Friday. He went into the kitchen and put the egg he had laid out the night before into the pot of water, and popped two slices of bread into the toaster also pre-prepared. He did this every single morning of his life. He sat down at the kitchen table still spitting nails about the library. Although there was no one else there Thomas was talking aloud. “Bloody Christmas, now what will I do with no library, bloody inconvenience.” As he ate his breakfast he thought he would use the time to go the Shopping Arcade. “The bloody Shopping Arcade will be open, even if the library isn’t” he said aloud. He dressed and looked out of the window, it was a clear crisp winter morning, the winter sun shining through the window into this plainly furnished flat, brightening it, as the sun has a way of doing. “Too cold for snow he” he thought “I better put my coat on before I go out”.

As he walked along, he was still moaning to himself about the inconvenience of the library being closed that he didn’t notice the girl walking along beside him. She was around eight years old and had the distinctive features of a child with Down’s Syndrome. Thomas felt uncomfortable, he didn’t like children, never had. Although he had no friends he had an acquaintance he chatted to in the library and he had surmised that Thomas had been born at age forty. Thomas increased his pace in the hope that he could get to the shopping arcade and lose the child. As he quickened his pace the girl also quickened hers. Thomas stopped and said “are you following me, where is your Mother”. The girl, looked at Thomas and smiled broadly and said “I like you, you look funny with your hat pulled over your grumpy face.” Thomas was taken aback, he didn’t know what to do or say. He looked at the girl, she was short and dumpy and it was plain to Thomas that she was a Down’s Syndrome child. Her face was bathed in the light of the bright winter sun, making her squint her eyes as she looked up at Thomas. Just then a woman came hurrying over. “Holly” she said, “where have you been, we have been frantic”. The girl turned around and looked at her Mother and said “I am OK Mum, I am talking to my new friend” the girl turned to Thomas and said “What is your name?”
“Thomas” he replied.
“Merry Christmas Thomas” she said.
“Come along now Holly” said her mother and apologised to Thomas explaining that Holly always spoke to people when they were out.
Thomas said “It’s OK”.
As Holly skipped away with her mother at her side, she turned back and waved at Thomas with the most beautiful smile which lit up her face, demonstrating the utter inner happiness she had in spite of her lot. Thomas found himself waving back, and his mouth creased into a smile, he turned towards the Shopping Arcade and in that moment he realised that it didn’t really matter that the Library was closed.

The Stookie - By Helen Ross

"Urr you up yit?"
Patsy was awakened by the sound of her Ma screeching through from the kitchen.
"Hurry up! Ah'll miss mah turn at the Steamie."
Patsy sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. It was Thursday, and every Thursday during the summer holidays, Patsy helped her Ma with the washing. It used to be Maggie, her big sister, that went with their Ma to the Steamie. Now that her big sister had a job in Lairds and was on piece-work, Patsy had to do it.
Only the other day, Patsy’s Ma had been saying ...
"Noo that Maggie is oan piece work, she’ll want tae go oan her ain can."
Patsy was still trying to figure out what Maggie’s 'can' was and how she would 'go oan it'.

She got out of bed, took the sheets and pillowcases off for the wash, then took them into the kitchen.
"Put thame in that floowery pillowcase alang wi' the whites, and then go and get the pram oot o' the washhoose." her Ma said.
"Ah've no even goat mah claes oan yit!" complained Patsy.
"Well hurry up and get some oan then, and get oot tae that washhoose and get that pram, and ye kin jist empty that pail in the midden while ye urr it it!" retorted Patsy’s Ma, giving her a smack on the back of the head, by way of hurrying her up.
"And don't gie me nane of yir lip!"
Patsy went back into the room with her lip trembling, muttering under her breath.
"If ah don't gie ye nane lip then ah hifty gie ye some."
Patsy was feeling less than appreciated, especially since her pal Irene had broken her arm during gym at the school and had been the centre of attention for a fortnight. Didn't have to help with the washing, either!

Patsy got into her frock, the one with the ruched elastic bodice. She liked that frock, but her Ma was always saying to her ...
"Ye wid think you hid nae claes, ayewiz werring that froack aw the time. It's getting too shoart fur ye. Ah micht hifty let it doon."
Patsy shuddered. She remembered the last time her Ma had let a frock down for her. There was a big line at the bottom, and the bright new colours of the let-down bit looked daft beside the washed-out look on the rest of the frock.
"Don't know how ah canny jist get a new froack, exact the same." thought Patsy, feeling indignant at the injustice of it all.
She opened the sash window and retrieved her sandshoes from the sill. She had put them out there the night before, after she had whitened them, and they had been soaking wet. They were nice and dry now, and looked bright and white.
"Dae ye want a piece and a cup of tea?" her Ma shouted from the kitchen.
"Aye! Whit's oan the piece Ma?" said Patsy, walking in to the room, where her Ma was standing beside the blue and white kitchen cabinet. It was brand new, and her Ma's pride and joy. This meant that her Ma could keep all the food together in one place. All the neighbours had been in to see it, and all agreed that it was a lovely cabinet and they all said that they were all going to get one with their next Provvy cheque.
Ma was buttering bread. She wore a crossover flowery overall, and her hair was wrapped in a scarf, tied under her chin. She always wore a scarf when she was going out of the house. She said that it made her look tidy. Her face was clean, and clear of make-up - she only wore make-up when she was going out on a Friday or Saturday night.
Patsy put the last of the coloured washing in the other pillowcase, and mother and daughter sat down with their tea and bread.
"Whit's oan the piece, Ma?" said Patsy again, opening the bread and examining its content.
"Eat it, and y'll see, win't ye." replied her Ma, laughing.
"Och its spam! Ah don't like spam."
"Get it ate." said her Ma. "Since when dae ye no like spam?"
They both sat there, quietly eating and drinking.
Patsy's Ma looked at the clock on the mantlepiece.
"Come oan noo. Ah'm gonny be late. If ah miss this turn, ah'll no get wan tae Saturday moarning, and ah don't want tae be washing claes oan a Saturday."

Patsy ran out to the back court and into the washhouse, and got the pram that her Ma used for the steamie. It had seen better days. The pram had been a twin with two hoods, but one of the hoods had been prised off by some boys when Patsy and her pals were pushing each other up and doon the street in it. It only had one hood now, and that had a great tear in it.
When she returned to the close, the woman next door was out on her doorstep.
"Stoap stampin through the close, Patsy. It's like a herd o' elephants passin."
"Sorry, Mrs Greg, bit mah Ma’s gonny be late fur the Steamie if ah dinnae hurry up."
"So's yir Ma gaun tae the Steamie, hen? Ask her if she’ll take a perr of sheets fur me."
"Awright, Mrs Greg, ah'll ask her." said Patsy.
Patsy left the pram in the close, and went into the house.
"Mrs Greg says will ye take a perr of sheets tae the Steamie fur her." said Patsy.
"Aye, awright. Bit this is getting tae be a habit wi' hur. It wiz towels last week. Whit'll it be next week? Her man's drawers?"
Patsy and her Ma started laughing at the thought of Mrs Greg's man and his drawers.

They loaded the two pillowcases full of washing, and a small message bag with the woollens in it, onto the pram and set off for the Steamie.
It was a beautiful sunny morning, and Patsy's Ma was saying ...
"Great weather fur drying this! Ah'll hing the washing oot when we get back and it'll be dry afore tea time."
As they walked along, Patsy's Ma kept stopping to talk with folk.
"Hello Annie." they would say, and invariably stop for a blether.
Patsy wished that her Ma would hurry up. She couldn't wait to get to the Steamie. She wanted to play on the dryers, pulling them out and hanging on to the handle, then getting hurled back in again by her Ma.
Her Ma would say "Kerrfull Patsy! Urr y'll breck yir leg."
Patsy didn't care about that. It was her ambition in life to break her leg and get a stookie - a prized possession!
When Peter McGregor from Newhall Street had one, everybody signed it and drew wee pictures on it, and all the big people gave him sweeties.
Patsy loved going to the Steamie with her Ma. Besides getting to play on the dryers, all the women were nice to her. They would all sing songs, laugh, and talk to one another, and tell her how she was going to break all the boys' hearts when she grew up.
Patsy always thought "Ah don't want tae breck aw the boays herts. Their necks mibbe, bit no their herts!"
This day, when Patsy walked into the Steamie with her Ma, she had a funny feeling. Somehow, it felt different. Like somebody was watchin her. She looked around quickly, but there was nobody there.
She started to take the washing out of the pillowcase and put it in the machine. She had to stand on a box to reach into the machine.
"Don't furget the pooder." said her Ma "And leave out that white blouse. Ah'm gonny haun wash that wi the woollens."
There it was again. That feeling that she was being watched. There was nothing there watching her, but still, she could definitely sense something. She told her Ma.
"Och! That's probably that woman that goat mangled!" she said, winking at Molly, who was scrubbing her man's shirt- collar on a washboard.
"Aye!" said Molly. "Flat as a pancake, she wiz. They hidty slide her oot o' the mangle, and wi' her jist hivin h'd her herr done in that new cottage loaf style, it wiz merr like a pancake by the time they goat her oot of that mangle."
Patsy was horrified.
"Ma! Did they really get her oot o' the mangle? That's terrible!"
"Aye hen, it wiz a horrible sight. They say she still haunts this place." said her Ma, trying to stifle the laughter.
"Aye, that's right." said Molly. "She slinks aboot the place and floats ower the dryers. She is trying tae use the hoat air oot of the dryers tae blaw hersell back up again."
Patsy began looking around the Steamie for the flattened woman, but the place was full of steam, and it was hard to see anything.

"It probably is her haunting the Steamie." thought Patsy. "Ah wish ah could talk tae her, and ask her whit it felt like tae be flattened."
Patsy's Ma had threatened to 'flatten' her many times, but had never carried out her threat. Now, here was a woman who had really been flattened, and Patsy wondered what it felt like. She was lost in thought, thinking about the flattened woman, and when she looked around, there was nobody there. Her Ma and Molly had gone, and so had all the other women.
Patsy felt frightened, and shouted "Ma! where urr ye!"
No answer!
Then she heard a noise, coming from the direction of the mangle. She looked over, and there she was - the flattened woman. She was lying across a table, with her feet at the mangle. She was flat as a pancake.
Patsy gingerly tip-toed over. One step at a time, stopping to peer through the steam at the flat body lying on the table by the mangle. She didn't dare breathe, trying not to make a sound.
Just as she neared the table ...
"BOO!" shouted a voice from behind the mangle.
Patsy jumped up screaming, and slipped on the wet floor. She crashed down onto the concrete. The pain stabbed into her. Her leg! Oh, how it hurt.
Ma and Molly ran round from behind the mangle. Patsy was crying her eyes out.
"Ah think she's broke her leg." said her Ma.
Patsy stopped crying immediately, and through the tears, said "Hiv ah really broke mah leg, Ma?"
"Aye, ah think ye hiv hen."
"Thank you, Goad!" said Patsy. "Dis this mean ah'll get a stookie, Ma? That awbody kin write their names oan?"
"Aye, hen, ah think ye will."
"YAAAA Dancer!" shouted Patsy, as they took her away to the hospital for her stookie.
Sore - but very happy.

Big Shug & Wee Mamie - 1 The Accumulator

Mamie knew as soon as she saw Big Shug’s torn face, as he put his head around the door, there was something wrong.

“Where hiv you been ya big scunner? These weans urr starving and you should hiv been hame at five o’clock and its hauf eight noo.”
She said, her voice rising an octave.
“The shoaps urr aw shut noo, ahll hifty get thame something oot of Mario’s chippie.”
Shug, who by this time had stoated into the room, and plonked himself down on the fireside chair, said
“It’s biddy freezing in here, how is the fire no oan?”
Mamie replied
“Yir a big waste of space, the fire isny oan coz ah couldny piy the coalman.”
“Whit, surely Big Joacky wid hiv gave ye wan oan tick”
Shug said in an incredulous tone.
“Naw, he widny, coz ah stull owe him fae last week, and ahll tell ye something else ya big eidgit if ye don’t hiv a single shullin the light is gonny go aff in a minute. Which might no be a bad thing, at least a wulny see yir big rid drunk face in the dork”.

Mamie hid met Big Shug on a fateful Friday night in the Barrowland ballroom. She had been sitting with her pals when this big fine boy came towards them with a gallus swagger, dressed immaculately in an army uniform, his hair flattened into submission with a coat of brylcreem. Mamie was hoping he would ask her to dance, and to her shock he made a beeline for her and said
“Urr ye dancing?”
She resisted an urge tae say ‘naw it’s jist the wiy ahm stauning’ instead she said nothing and just stood up and they both walked together to the dance floor. She was thinking
‘ah hope he is a good dancer, ah don’t want a showing up in front of mah pals’.

It was a whirlwind romance and they were married in Martha Street Registrar’s Office three months later. Big Shug had gotten another weeks leave from the army. He was stationed in France, but everybody knew the war would be over soon so leave was easier to come by. Three months later Big Shug was de-mobbed and Mamie was pregnant with her first child. After his discharge Big Shug had gotten a job with his uncle in the scrapyard and was earning good money. They had rented a lovely room and kitchen through Mamie’s Mammy’s factor and had furnished it from Grant’s Furniture shop at Bridgeton Cross. They put a deposit down and bought a three piece suite, a sideboard and a kitchen cabinet. Big Shug’s Mammy bought them a new double bed, one of those divan’s with the drawers underneath, and Mamie’s Mammy hid given them a big heavy walnut wardrobe and chest of drawers. She also made them lovely brocade curtains and Mamie had insisted on tie backs for the bedroom curtains. She had seen curtains in a magazine with tie backs and she had thought they looked brilliant and was determined that her curtains would have them too.

At first everything was great, Mamie was working in Lairds on piece work and Big Shug was earning good money at the scrapyard with his Uncle and life was good, and with the baby on the way everything in their wee room & kitchen was Rosy.

When Mamie was seven months pregnant she gave up her job and became a full time housewife, with all of the ‘privileges’ that brought. Cleaning the house all day, going to the shops for messages with her Mammy, making Big Shug’s dinner for him coming home from work. Fur the first few months it was just like playing at a house, which she had done often enough in the back court with her pals. Then two more children followed in quick succession, a boy, wee Shug and another girl. Mamie named her Lesley after the actress Lesley Caron, she had seen Leslie Caron in Gigi and thought she was lovely.

The night she went into labour with her first. Big Shug was in the Clachan Bar with his pals having a pint. Mamie sent for her Mammy and her Mammy went straight to the Clachan telling Big Shug to get home pronto. By the time the midwife had arrived Big Shug was at the door trying to find the keyhole and shouting through
“Mamie open the door ah canny find the keyhole.”
The midwife came to the door, told him to go into the kitchen and she would let him know when anything happened.

Roberta was born at half past ten on the 25th January a big bouncing baby with a mop of black hair. She was called Roberta in honour of being born on Rabbie’s birthday. Mamie’s Mammy had a big influence on naming the baby due to the fact that she loved Rabbie Burns and was over the moon when the baby was born on his birthday.

Big Shug rummaged around in his pocket and produced a single shilling for the meter.
Mamie said
“where is mah money, ah neety send Berta doon the chippy.”
Big Shug said
“Noo Mamie hen, ahm a wee bit shoart this week, naebuddy wiz throwin oot any scrap, ah wiz jist saying tae Tam in the Clachan that the boattom hid fell oot of the scrap and there wiz nae money in it noo”.
Mamie looked at him with a withering look and said
“Yiv loast it tae that bookie again, hint ye.”
“Naw Mamie, a swear oan a stacka bibles, ahv no been near the bookies.”
Shug said in his best pleading voice.
Mamie had heard it all before, and before he could say another word she said
“How much hiv ye goat left.”
“Three quid.”
He said.
“Gimmie it then, we’ll hifty miss the furniture this week and ah wulny be able tae get yir suit oot of the pawn”.
She pawned Shug’s suit every Monday and lifted it out on a Friday so he could wear it to the pub on a Saturday.

Mamie took the money, two pound notes, a ten shilling note and four half crowns. She walked over to the window and opened it and leaning out she shouted,
“Haw Berta”.
After a few seconds a girl’s voice answered
“whit is it Mammy”
“Here away ower tae Mario’s and get me two single fish and a big poke of chips, and hurry up aboot it ahm putting the kettle oan noo, and bring yir sister and brother up wi ye.”
She threw one of the half crowns out of the window and watched as Roberta ran towards Mario’s chip shop.
“She’s a good lassie.”
thought Mamie.

Mamie turned around, picked up the kettle and filled it with the best Loch Katrine water from the brass, swan neck tap and put it on the cooker. As she opened the kitchen cabinet she could hear Shug snoring. He had fallen asleep on the chair in front of the unlit fire. He had left his jacket on the back of the chair. Mamie crept over and gingerly eased it out from under him. She went through his pockets and found another three pounds and two ten shilling notes. She took one of the pound notes and one of the ten shilling notes, she was just about to put the jacket back when she felt something in the inside pocket. It was a bookies slip. A three horse accumulator, with the last race being the 2:30 at Lingfield the next day. She put the betting slip down her bra, and thought
‘Ahll piy the factor and get mah messages wi the money and if his line comes up ahll piy the furniture and the coalman wi the winnings.’
and smiled to herself.

She busied herself putting out plates, salt and vinegar. She buttered four slices of bread and opened a tin of peas and put them on the cooker. She could hear the children running up the stairs shouting ‘whoo whoo’, the signal to open the door. In they bounced shouting and squabbling with each other.

“tell her Mammy.”
“Ah never touched ye.”
“Aye ye did.”
“Didny.”
“Did.”
“Didny.”

“Shut up the lot of yous.”
Said Mamie,
“urr ye wull waken yir Da”.
They all sat down quietly still nudging each other and kicking each other under the table, all the time stifling laughter at their Da’s face, laid back on the chair with his mouth wide open and snoring like a hog.

Mamie cut the two fish into four pieces and put it on plates together with the chips which she also divided into four, a few spoonsful of peas, bread and margarine and four cups of sweet tea completed the meal.
“kin we go tae the pictures the morra Mammy.”
Said wee Shug.
“Ah don’t think so son, yir Da’s goat shoart wages this week”

As they say eating and talking big Shug stirred in the chair, he woke up and turned to Mamie saying
“Did ye get me a fish supper Mamie hen”
“Naw yi wurr sleeping and ah didny want tae waste gas keeping it hoat.”

“Never mind hen, ahll away doon tae Mario’s and get masell wan.”

“Ye mean ye wull away doon the pub and get another pint.”
said Mamie

“Naw, naw hen ahm coming straight back and we kin hiv a wee night in and listen tae Radio Luxemburg.”

Mamie shrugged her shoulders, she knew he wouldn’t be back this side of midnight.

She let the children out for another hour while she did the dishes and tidied up again.

Once the children were in bed she sat down, wrapped a quilt around her and started reading her book and listening to the wireless. She was still sitting there when she heard big Shug’s key in the door, she glance at the clock oan the brace
‘hauf eleven.’
She thought
‘he’s early.’

She lay down on the couch pretending to be sleeping. Shug entered the room and sat down on the recess bed and within five minutes he was fast asleep. She crept over, took his shoes off and lifted his feet onto the bed. She lay down on the couch and fell fast asleep dreaming of what she would do with the money the next day if the accumulator came up.

She woke up the next morning early, big Shug was still lying where she had left him with his clothes stull on. She put the kettle on and made some porridge for breakfast. She got the children up and gave them their breakfast and said they could go out to play for a wee while, warning them to stay nearby as she had to go into town and they would have to come with her. They all groaned, they knew that they would be walking into town if their Da’s wages were short.

She washed the dishes and tidied up the children’s bedroom and made their beds, one double the girls shared and one single for wee Shug. As she spread the pink candlewick bedspread she thought
“ahm gonny kill thay lassies, there wulny be any candlewick left in this blanket if they keep pulling it oot”.

She was just putting her coat on when she heard
“Coaaaaal.”
She rushed over to the window and shouted down
“Joacky kin ye bring a bag up fur me.”

“Aye Mamie ahll be up in a minute.”

She opened the front door and waited in the lobby fur Jocky to come up with the coal. Jocky Watson wiz a nice chap, and had let her off with a few bags of coal in the past. When he goat there she said
“Here Joacky there’s the money fur this bag and if it’s aw right ahll piy ye fur last weeks next week.”
“Aye yir aw right Mamie, ahll get last weeks next weeks then.”
He said giving her a wee smile and a wink.

She took a last look at big Shug still snoring and went out of the door and down the stairs behind Joacky. When she got there she called the children and they began walking down Dalmarnock Road towards Brigeton Cross and the town to pay the factor, whose office was in Stockwell Street just along Argyle Street from the Trongate. She would get her messages in Curlys at Bridgeton Cross on the way back. By the time she got back from the town, Big Shug had gone out. She put away her messages and chased the children out to play in the back court. As she went down the stairs, she shouted around the back close.
“Berta, watch they two weans ahll be back in five minutes.”
Archie the Bookie did his business from a single end three closes along from Mamie.

She was standing at the bookies close blethering with two men at the front of the close, they were always there and warned Archie if the police were coming. At quarter to three, she went in the close and knocked on the door. The bookie didn’t live there. He used the single end to take his bets and pay out the winnings. The door opened and Archie says
“Hello Mamie, where’s big Shug, he wiz in here aboot hauf an hoor ago saying he hid loast his bettin slip and that he hid two winners oan it.”
“Aye ah know”
Mamie said, trying to hide the lies in her eyes
“He’s fun it noo and asked me tae come doon and see if the thurd hoarse hid won”.
“Aye, it won.”
Said Archie
“he his goat a good few bob comin.”
“Here’s his slip Archie, he telt me tae pick up any winnins fur him.”
Archie took the slip and checked that it wiz OK and had the right nom-de-plume on it. He went into his pocket and pulled out a big wad of money, all five pound notes and started peeling off fivers. Mamie counted them as he peeled them off. Five, ten, fifteen. He went into his other pocket and pulled out some coins, two half crowns, a two bob bit and four big pennies.
“There ye go Mamie, fifteen pounds, nine and four pence, a good win fur big Shug, make sure he gies you a bung”.
Mamie laughed,
“aye that’ll be the day”.

When she got back from the bookies, she could see that Big Shug had been back. He had left his working trousers on the couch and his workin jacket was on the floor. The drawers on the sideboard were all open and the bedclothes were all on the floor. Mamie was laughing to herself.
‘he his been searching fur his betting slip’
She thought.
She could feel the lump of the money at her breast and was thinking that she would treat the children to some new clothes at the Barras the next day.

Mamie woke early on the Sunday and got the children up and dressed, as she opened the door she shouted into Shug
“Ahm away wi the weans tae ma Mammy’s ahll be back this efternin.”
She could hear him shouting.
“Haud oan Mamie, kin ye len me ten bob tae next week.”

Mamie rushed downstairs pretending she couldn’t hear him.

She almost ran down Springfield Road dragging the children behind her. She got on the 18 bus to the Barras. She bought the children a new rig out each and new sandshoes. She bought herself a new blouse and some new cups, the ones she hid were cracked and chipped. She also bought the children a comic each and a cheap toy. Then they all went into the Loch Fyne seafood shop and the children had a poke of whelks and Mamie had a plate of mussels. On the way home the children were all laughing and talking on the bus about their day out at the Barras.

When she goat home big Shug was sitting on the chair at the, now lit, fire.
As soon as she walked in the door she knew what was coming.
“Where hiv ye been, ye wurny at yir Ma‘s ah wiz roon there?”
He said non-chalontly
She knew. that he knew that she had collected the bet. Archie would have told him by this time.
“Did you take mah bettin slip oot of mah poacket last night”
“Whit bettin slip, you hivny been at the bookies, so ye canny hiv a bettin slip”.
“Stoap actin it and gie me the money yiv goat left”.
“Ah telt ye you didny hiv a bettin slip, you swore oan a stacka bibles that ye hidny been near the bookies and if ye hivny been near the bookies then ye couldny hiv hid a bettin slip noo could ye?”

Big Shug sat back down on the chair. He knew he would never see his winnings again she had out manoeuvred him and he knew it.

The Dilemma - A Novel by Helen Ross

The chill of the winter twilight, piercing cold, made her shiver as she walked through the wet streets, the light from the shops reflecting in the puddles, large droplets of rain mingling with the tears running down her face, and the salty taste when they reached the corner of her mouth. The moon was high overhead and she pulled her coat around her tightly and hurried on. She had thought about the decision she had made and what she was about to do endlessly for the past month, and knew she had no choice.

Read more at:

http://www.lulu.com/product/ebook/the-dilemma/13382900

Sonnet for Lucy McArthur

Webmaister's long awaited pleasure
His resulted in a lifelong treasure
Lucy; it wiz decided, she wid be called
A lovely wee lassie fur Webmaister tae hold
Her name, it is Lucy, and that means light
And knowing oor Webbie, that wid be right
Cos noo that she hiz arrived at last
Aw his fussing and frettings hiv passed
Pink cheeks, her lovely smile will linger
And Webbie, he'll soon be roon her finger
A lovely wee lassie wi a Scottish trait
And ah know Oor Webbie will think she's grrrrrrrreat
She's a wee Glesga cracker, and its true
Webbie will ensure her nose is blue
Aw ra BestFae a Green Nose Nell