Sonnet for Lucy McArthur

Webmaister's long awaited pleasure
His resulted in a lifelong treasure
Lucy; it wiz decided, she wid be called
A lovely wee lassie fur Webmaister tae hold
Her name, it is Lucy, and that means light
And knowing oor Webbie, that wid be right
Cos noo that she hiz arrived at last
Aw his fussing and frettings hiv passed
Pink cheeks, her lovely smile will linger
And Webbie, he'll soon be roon her finger
A lovely wee lassie wi a Scottish trait
And ah know Oor Webbie will think she's grrrrrrrreat
She's a wee Glesga cracker, and its true
Webbie will ensure her nose is blue
Aw ra BestFae a Green Nose Nell

When a Wiz a Wean

When ah wiz a wean
The world wiz quite plain
and ma worries wurr aw aboot dainties
bit as ahv goat aulder
and neighboors urr "caulder"
Seems the worlds no as nice as its painted

When ah wiz a wean
Ah never felt pain
Ah grazed knee, a cut oan the fingurr
"Stoap that daft greetin" Ma Mammy wid say
"Urr ahll gie ye something tae greet fur"

When ah wiz a wean
Ah hid a shoap o ma ain,
Roon the back, wi a boax fur a coonter
We hid tin cans fur peas
and we hid clabber fur cheese
while the boays wurr a military joonta

When ah wiz a wean
The boays wurr a pain
They spiled aw oor games wi their antics
They ran aw aboot wi ah howl and a whoop
and, made aw the lassies go frantic

When ah wiz a wean
The world wiz ma ain
And we wandered all over the city
Wurr armpits wurr oxters
Wurr big fish wurr doacters
But its aw different noo, merr's the pity

Aye, when ah wiz a wean (sigh)
wid ah go therr again?
Aye sure,: "like ah shot oota gun"
cos in spite of the bad
the tragic and sad
The people wurr friendly and fun

Smokers' Droop

pay attention
while a mention
Wee Pete's habit
That wiz causin contention

Wife frustrated
Getting berated
and tae cap it aw
prices inflated

Packin it in
Heid in a spin
Gaspin already
Ah dont think ah kin

Pete snatches
Nicotine patches
wife is relieved
Shes sits and she watches

aff the fags
tackle stull sags
must be the drink
In the kerry oot bags

Gie up the swally
Not on yir Nelly
Ahll kerry oan drinking
And make dae wi the telly